How to Pamper your Parents

The best time you can show that you really care about your parents is not at their funeral when you are sober and all you could do is shed tears. The best gift you can give your parents is not a gold casket to show that you respect the dead. The best place where you can make them feel safe is never a marble tomb dug in a serene cemetery. By the time your parents are no more it would be too late to do all the things you wish you were able to do for them. You don’t have to wait till it will be too late. But when should you show them how much you care? How can you do that? What can you do to show them you care? This article seeks to answer the above questions by taking you through the following simple, important but often overlooked steps.

1. Do It Now. It has often been said that procrastination is the thief of time. The more you delay doing something the less you feel like doing it. If there is anytime you need to take care of your parents it is now or never. 

• Being nice to your parents should not be a burden to you either as single or married. Remember that bringing you up from infancy through adulthood was never an easy task either. If you live with your parents let them enjoy your presence for the time being.
• Do not wait until they are indisposed before you assist them. If you want to buy something you know they will like, buy it now. Someone who deprived his parents of wonderful gifts while they were alive and now buys them expensive Rolex watches to tie around their lifeless wrists at death, lay them in gold caskets, buries them in marble tombs has waited for too long. He has just succeeded in impressing the people who gather for the funeral to register their condolences, not the deceased parents. After all they are dead and can’t see what’s going on.

2. Be Sensitive To Their Needs. Traditionally, many people only respond to people’s requests when those requests are verbally expressed. The truth is we cannot deny the fact that at times actions speak louder than voices. You need not play passive game with your progenitors, try as much as possible to be proactive with them.

• Read John C. Maxwell’s “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” and Steven R. Covey’s “Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People” for details on how to be sensitive to the unspoken needs of others and how to be proactive. Being sensitive requires you listen to your parents when they are not speaking words.
• You can do this by trying to understand their temperament (Read Tim LaHaye’s “Why You Act The Way You Do?” for details on temperament), likes, dislikes, mood swings, moments of depression, strengths, weaknesses, fears and heart desires for you.
• When you are sensitive to them by way of understanding you make it easy for them to manage your affairs especially if you are still very much young. You won’t necessarily make them spank you or scold you every time because you will behave yourself. And you know if you often save them the headache of trying to fix you each time you fall apart due to silly mistakes you can avoid if only you follow instruction then you incidentally prolong their lives.

3. Communicate With Them. Talk to your parents often but don’t talk back at them in the middle of an argument or misunderstanding. Don’t start calling your parents names because they don’t seem to understand your stand on an issue. Calling your parents idiots, assholes, son of a bitch sounds very ridiculous, disrespectful and unethical no matter how popular the idea may be. This kind of attitude can curtail meaningful communication.

• Be the first to greet them in the morning. Be the first to ask them if there is something else they would have you do for them when you are through with a particular task. Be happy to welcome them back home from work or from journey.
• Communicate your desires, decisions and options to them. Don’t hide sensitive information that you know may break their hearts if they eventually become aware when it is too late. Cases such as child molestation, rape, threat and nightmares should be wisely communicated to your parents. This is not to scare them but to show them you trust them to make the best decision about your situation.

4. Consider Them In Every Decision. Your decision is your choice but you will do well if you sometimes pause to consider the impact it will have on your parents. It is very important to consider your parents when making life-changing decisions such as selecting a school to attend, choosing a marriage partner (as it will not augur well to marry someone who will forever be rude to them), spending your income and so on. This does not suggest that you should be controlled by your parents at all times.

5. Don’t Play Favorite/ Some cultures in different parts of the world dogmatically or subtly encourage the idea of preferring one parent above the other. I have heard some elders teach it to the younger generation telling them that it is impossible not to play favorite with your parents only if you don’t make it known verbally. But they forget to tell them that even if you don’t tell people what you are doing it doesn’t prevent them from seeing what you are doing. Like I said the other time ‘actions speak louder than words’. If you secretly help or favor your mother much more than your father, it is just a matter of time that you will be exposed. Besides, you are sowing a seed of discord and disunity which you will definitely harvest. Try to understand that the marital vows your parents exchanged with each other on their wedding day make them one before God. So do not help your dad separate from your mum because of perceived favoritism from your side. Pamper your parents by helping them protect their marriage not to destroy it on the altar of favoritism. Understand that a father is different from a mother not because one is important than the other but because they have different roles to play in conjunction to make life better for you. 

 6. Appreciate Them: In his book ‘The Science of Getting Rich’, Wallace D. Wattles asserts: “The whole process of mental adjustment and attunement can be summed up in one word: Gratitude. First, you believe that there is one intelligent substance, from which all things proceed. Second, you believe that this substance gives you everything you desire. And third, you relate yourself to it by a feeling of deep and profound gratitude”. Many children are kept in poverty, child labor, human trafficking, shop lifting, pocket-picking, burglary, malnutrition, child molestation, juvenile delinquency facility, orphanage and endless struggle for survival partly because they lack moral, spiritual and financial supports from their parents. Some kids lost their parents while some others had indifferent ones. Did you ever stop to notice that your case is different from all of these? Do you think it’s just because you are a smart kid or it’s just your destiny to be this way? This is just a mystery you don’t need to unravel before you appreciate your parents. They have been through a lot for you. They have had sleepless nights for you. They have bled for you. They have starved themselves because of you as the case may for different people. Appreciate them not occasionally but always. Thank them for every little gesture of love. Thank them for each meal that is served on the table. Thank them for the cloths. Be grateful to them for giving you a ride to school or to the picnic. Appreciate them for accommodating your homeless or touring friend. Let them know how much you appreciate the kind of education they afforded you. My friends if you can think deeply, I’m sure you will have a million ways to say thank you to your parents. 

7. Do Not Be Demanding: We are living in an age when it is not easy to make a living. The last thing your parents expect from you is to be too demanding. Don’t imbibe the idea of asking for too much. You are not being fair to them if you always ask them to give you things you know down deep within your heart that they cannot afford simply because you want to impress your peers. Think about it. Which is more important to you? Your parents’ health and longevity or what your friends say about you? It’s time you recast your priorities. Put first things first. You need to differentiate between urgency and importance. Your father can’t be a social worker with a five-figure-salary and expect him to buy you a car like your friend’s dad who is the Chairman and CEO of a multinational company. Let your parents’ happiness and health be your priority above how rich or influential anyone perceives you. 

8. Forgive Them: “Do Yourself a Favor, Forgive” is the candid opinion of author Joyce Meyer in a book of that same title. You cannot afford to continually carry the same load of malice, hate, hurt and disappointment you've been carrying against your parents for so many reasons. Perhaps your parents either intentionally or unintentionally did not send you to the school of your choice, did not provide you with something you requested at the time you needed it, did prefer one or all of your siblings above you at one time or the other, sided with a neighbor at the face of a particular allegation among many others. You will do well and release yourself from under the weight of such heavy loads if only you can gather your wits and confront them politely with all the stuff they did to you that you never liked and tell them you forgive. How else can one pamper his parents than that? Remember we all make mistakes. 

NB: This article is one of the articles I wrote for WikiHow and it was published for public use. Four co-authors at WikiHow edited and contributed to it. Ever since it has been viewed 1942 times by readers who found it helpful.