How to Pamper your Parents

The best time you can show that you really care about your parents is not at their funeral when you are sober and all you could do is shed tears. The best gift you can give your parents is not a gold casket to show that you respect the dead. The best place where you can make them feel safe is never a marble tomb dug in a serene cemetery. By the time your parents are no more it would be too late to do all the things you wish you were able to do for them. You don’t have to wait till it will be too late. But when should you show them how much you care? How can you do that? What can you do to show them you care? This article seeks to answer the above questions by taking you through the following simple, important but often overlooked steps.

1. Do It Now. It has often been said that procrastination is the thief of time. The more you delay doing something the less you feel like doing it. If there is anytime you need to take care of your parents it is now or never. 

• Being nice to your parents should not be a burden to you either as single or married. Remember that bringing you up from infancy through adulthood was never an easy task either. If you live with your parents let them enjoy your presence for the time being.
• Do not wait until they are indisposed before you assist them. If you want to buy something you know they will like, buy it now. Someone who deprived his parents of wonderful gifts while they were alive and now buys them expensive Rolex watches to tie around their lifeless wrists at death, lay them in gold caskets, buries them in marble tombs has waited for too long. He has just succeeded in impressing the people who gather for the funeral to register their condolences, not the deceased parents. After all they are dead and can’t see what’s going on.

2. Be Sensitive To Their Needs. Traditionally, many people only respond to people’s requests when those requests are verbally expressed. The truth is we cannot deny the fact that at times actions speak louder than voices. You need not play passive game with your progenitors, try as much as possible to be proactive with them.

• Read John C. Maxwell’s “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect” and Steven R. Covey’s “Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People” for details on how to be sensitive to the unspoken needs of others and how to be proactive. Being sensitive requires you listen to your parents when they are not speaking words.
• You can do this by trying to understand their temperament (Read Tim LaHaye’s “Why You Act The Way You Do?” for details on temperament), likes, dislikes, mood swings, moments of depression, strengths, weaknesses, fears and heart desires for you.
• When you are sensitive to them by way of understanding you make it easy for them to manage your affairs especially if you are still very much young. You won’t necessarily make them spank you or scold you every time because you will behave yourself. And you know if you often save them the headache of trying to fix you each time you fall apart due to silly mistakes you can avoid if only you follow instruction then you incidentally prolong their lives.

3. Communicate With Them. Talk to your parents often but don’t talk back at them in the middle of an argument or misunderstanding. Don’t start calling your parents names because they don’t seem to understand your stand on an issue. Calling your parents idiots, assholes, son of a bitch sounds very ridiculous, disrespectful and unethical no matter how popular the idea may be. This kind of attitude can curtail meaningful communication.

• Be the first to greet them in the morning. Be the first to ask them if there is something else they would have you do for them when you are through with a particular task. Be happy to welcome them back home from work or from journey.
• Communicate your desires, decisions and options to them. Don’t hide sensitive information that you know may break their hearts if they eventually become aware when it is too late. Cases such as child molestation, rape, threat and nightmares should be wisely communicated to your parents. This is not to scare them but to show them you trust them to make the best decision about your situation.

4. Consider Them In Every Decision. Your decision is your choice but you will do well if you sometimes pause to consider the impact it will have on your parents. It is very important to consider your parents when making life-changing decisions such as selecting a school to attend, choosing a marriage partner (as it will not augur well to marry someone who will forever be rude to them), spending your income and so on. This does not suggest that you should be controlled by your parents at all times.

5. Don’t Play Favorite/ Some cultures in different parts of the world dogmatically or subtly encourage the idea of preferring one parent above the other. I have heard some elders teach it to the younger generation telling them that it is impossible not to play favorite with your parents only if you don’t make it known verbally. But they forget to tell them that even if you don’t tell people what you are doing it doesn’t prevent them from seeing what you are doing. Like I said the other time ‘actions speak louder than words’. If you secretly help or favor your mother much more than your father, it is just a matter of time that you will be exposed. Besides, you are sowing a seed of discord and disunity which you will definitely harvest. Try to understand that the marital vows your parents exchanged with each other on their wedding day make them one before God. So do not help your dad separate from your mum because of perceived favoritism from your side. Pamper your parents by helping them protect their marriage not to destroy it on the altar of favoritism. Understand that a father is different from a mother not because one is important than the other but because they have different roles to play in conjunction to make life better for you. 

 6. Appreciate Them: In his book ‘The Science of Getting Rich’, Wallace D. Wattles asserts: “The whole process of mental adjustment and attunement can be summed up in one word: Gratitude. First, you believe that there is one intelligent substance, from which all things proceed. Second, you believe that this substance gives you everything you desire. And third, you relate yourself to it by a feeling of deep and profound gratitude”. Many children are kept in poverty, child labor, human trafficking, shop lifting, pocket-picking, burglary, malnutrition, child molestation, juvenile delinquency facility, orphanage and endless struggle for survival partly because they lack moral, spiritual and financial supports from their parents. Some kids lost their parents while some others had indifferent ones. Did you ever stop to notice that your case is different from all of these? Do you think it’s just because you are a smart kid or it’s just your destiny to be this way? This is just a mystery you don’t need to unravel before you appreciate your parents. They have been through a lot for you. They have had sleepless nights for you. They have bled for you. They have starved themselves because of you as the case may for different people. Appreciate them not occasionally but always. Thank them for every little gesture of love. Thank them for each meal that is served on the table. Thank them for the cloths. Be grateful to them for giving you a ride to school or to the picnic. Appreciate them for accommodating your homeless or touring friend. Let them know how much you appreciate the kind of education they afforded you. My friends if you can think deeply, I’m sure you will have a million ways to say thank you to your parents. 

7. Do Not Be Demanding: We are living in an age when it is not easy to make a living. The last thing your parents expect from you is to be too demanding. Don’t imbibe the idea of asking for too much. You are not being fair to them if you always ask them to give you things you know down deep within your heart that they cannot afford simply because you want to impress your peers. Think about it. Which is more important to you? Your parents’ health and longevity or what your friends say about you? It’s time you recast your priorities. Put first things first. You need to differentiate between urgency and importance. Your father can’t be a social worker with a five-figure-salary and expect him to buy you a car like your friend’s dad who is the Chairman and CEO of a multinational company. Let your parents’ happiness and health be your priority above how rich or influential anyone perceives you. 

8. Forgive Them: “Do Yourself a Favor, Forgive” is the candid opinion of author Joyce Meyer in a book of that same title. You cannot afford to continually carry the same load of malice, hate, hurt and disappointment you've been carrying against your parents for so many reasons. Perhaps your parents either intentionally or unintentionally did not send you to the school of your choice, did not provide you with something you requested at the time you needed it, did prefer one or all of your siblings above you at one time or the other, sided with a neighbor at the face of a particular allegation among many others. You will do well and release yourself from under the weight of such heavy loads if only you can gather your wits and confront them politely with all the stuff they did to you that you never liked and tell them you forgive. How else can one pamper his parents than that? Remember we all make mistakes. 

NB: This article is one of the articles I wrote for WikiHow and it was published for public use. Four co-authors at WikiHow edited and contributed to it. Ever since it has been viewed 1942 times by readers who found it helpful. 

How to Master Frustration

Life can be so unfair at times and it can be filled with unforeseen contingencies that throw you off course. But you can save yourself a lot of troubles by preparing for such contingencies before they eventually emerge, in order to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. If you're going through emotional trauma as a result of family problems, financial bankruptcy, economic depression, bereavement, divorce, unemployment or other hardships, you'll find inner relief from frustration by following these steps.

1. Never expect too much too soon. Someone who just starts a grocery business with five thousand dollars and expects a turnover of a billion dollars at the end of the business year might be said to expect too much too soon. Business––and personal goals––take time to grow and flourish. You can think big, plan big and see the big picture of what you expect in your dreams and imagination. But avoid falling into the trap of wanting it to happen quickly––there is no such thing as a get rich quick scheme or an overnight transformation of years of unhelpful habits.

2. Do not set unrealistic goals. Thinking "I want to be the richest man on earth at 30" might be too unrealistic a goal to set for yourself. Instead, set a goal like "I want to make my first million dollars by 30". By focusing on something concrete and achievable, you sidestep the ridiculousness of goals like "I want to rule the world" or "I want to visit every city in the world" and strive instead for what can really be done. Frustration is normal when you set goals beyond achieving; be smarter than that.

3. Expect people to disappoint you. It is in the nature of humans to make mistakes, whether major or minor. Moreover, realize that whatever you do, many people will dislike you; it is simply the nature of being part of the human species. Stop striving to try to please everyone and you'll stop feeling frustrated when they don't, and you'll stop giving them the power to hurt your feelings. In turn, realize that the mistakes and omissions you make in life are disappointing to others; this isn't all about how you're impacted, as you can serve as a source of frustration too! As such, expect others to let you down, make mistakes and disappoint you now and then; you cannot have one standard for yourself and another for everyone else.

• Be aware that at times people will disappoint you, not because they want to, but because they have their own unresolved issues which may get in the way of helping you. In other words, do not take it personally.
• Be resourceful. While it is important to know when and how to ask for help, it is also important not to expect too much of others and to avoid being dependent on them.
• Keep to healthy relationships, where the balance of give and take is, on the whole, reciprocal and without manipulation. However, expect sometimes to give unconditionally, knowing and accepting without grudge that your giving won't always be matched in kind.
• Realize that you cannot make people do your bidding. You can persuade, encourage and pay people but you won't change people or cause them to do things for you simply because you think they owe you and ought to.

4. Do not make empty promises. Do not book an appointment with your business partner or a prospective client when you're not sure if you are going to make it. Do not form the habit of fixing a date with your spouse without showing up. Once the most important people in your life lose confidence and trust in you, they will walk out of your life and leave you frustrated. But it is not their fault, and that is something you know deep down, even if you're unwilling to acknowledge. 

5. Do not imitate anyone but learn from everyone. You may send your true self to extinction if you strive to be like someone else. Be yourself. Do not try to be like a super hero from Hollywood or like a super model from the fashion world. However, by all means learn from the famous and the seemingly insignificant people you know. This is not about learning to become "like" them; instead it's about learning from their experiences to apply to your own. The sorts of things to ask yourself include: What have they done that has made them successful? What pitfalls have they experienced and what did they do to cope? How did they get through challenging times in their lives? What did they do in their craft or field that stood out from others and what can you learn from that? What good habits have they developed that might possibly be tailored to work in your life too? Always focus on how to customize the good things you're seeking to emulate in a way that enhances who you are.

• Read biographies and autobiographies. Reading about others who have been through a similar challenge to whatever you're facing and who survived (and perhaps even thrived) might offer you some comfort in your distress. You can learn how they responded to their challenges before they eventually prevailed.

6. Do not stress yourself. Do things because you want to do them. Do not live to become a people pleaser. You cannot help everybody. Just try to help those who really need your help. Do not overload your schedule of activities for each day. Try to seek help when you need it. You can not afford to be full of yourself. Share your problems with like-minded people who can offer help and relief.

7. Always have a plan B. When planning, always think rationally. Have the end in mind. Come up with alternatives to your plan A in case it does not work out. You might even have Plans C and D. If you give yourself other options, you won't spend fruitless time fuming when Plan A doesn't work out as you wanted; life often doesn't work out the way you expect and it is by being ready for this reality that you set aside frustration.

8. Never put all your eggs in one basket. If you want to invest, do not put all your capital in a business all at once. Make it gradual and watch its growth and returns before you inject more cash. Moreover, never invest in a business you know little or nothing about; always do your background research and know what you're getting yourself into. Spread your wealth across different forms of savings and investment. While the one big-time investment might promise huge returns that have you imagining a lifetime of luxury, too many times such schemes fail people and leave them destitute. Don't put yourself in such a precarious situation; practice patience and slow-but-sure wealth growth rather than pursuing get rich quick solutions.

9. Accept responsibility for the things you do and think. Outrage, taking offense and blaming others are rampant responses to anything that bugs people in modern society. You are fully responsible for your nature and for the choices you make. Should you choose to think otherwise, to seek to blame others all the time, you will live a life in frustration, precisely because nothing will ever be as you want it and nobody will ever do what you expect. You relinquish your power to improve yourself on your own terms when you seek to absolve yourself of blame all the time. 

10. Know what you want in life. Be specific about what exactly you want in life. Determine the kind of business you want to do. Know the kind of person you want to marry. Determine the place where you want to live. Calculate the number of hours you want to work per week and the income you expect to foot your bills and help you get things done. Get your life back in the balance and recast your priorities. 

Tips

• Master your thoughts and master your life. A lot of frustration stems from your own bad thoughts. Root out the negative thoughts and replace them with good.
• Perfectionism is a source of continuous frustration. You never live up to some supposed standard of "just right" and nor do those around you. Realize that you, other people, and the world are all imperfect and that random bad luck happens sometimes––no amount of trying to manage or manipulate the situation can change that reality. It might help you to realize that failure happens more often than success––for everyone––and yet it is the most useful tool for learning from that has ever been devised!
• If you're time challenged, keep a diary or an electronic calendar and fill it in religiously. Carry it with you everywhere and use reminder signals. You will frustrate yourself (and many others) if you constantly turn up late or miss appointments.

Warnings

• If you constantly exaggerate the adverse effects of things that happen to you or see yourself as a victim of a succession of bad events, you will always feel frustrated because everything will seem bent on stopping you living life to the full. There are many good psychology tools, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, to help you overcome such negative thinking patterns.
• The world owes you nothing. One of the biggest forms of frustration is the modern-day tendency to see the world as a place that "must be easy" (to paraphrase Albert Ellis). The world is indifferent and isn't going to bend to your will; your attitude is what determines how you cope with the world's indifference.
• Do not see the steps above as an inexhaustible list of what you can do to master frustration in your life. The idea is to recognize common threads of avoiding frustration and adapt them to your own situation, as they come up. Do not view any prescription for how to live life as a do-it-all solution to life's problems––most of what happens to you is largely a function of your choices and attitude, something over which only you have control.

NB: This article was first published in 2012 for WikiHow Media Network. It was the first originally written article I contributed to help people. It has been edited severally and contributed to by 12 co-authors at WikiHow. Ever since then it has been reviewed 110 times and viewed 38 537 times. It was rated 4 stars and 86% of readers said they found it helpful. I hope you find it helpful too. 

It's All About Attitude

There is no gain in deceiving people. No matter how pleasurable it is to brainwash or manipulate others the truth is the one who deceives will eventually ruin his reputation and lose a lot of treasure which includes but is not limited to sound relationship, influence, affluence, wealth, fortune and rich opportunities. This philosophy is one of those factors that prompted me to start this blog. It got to a certain point in my life when I tried to find my place in this world and discover what my life mission would be. I was able to come up with the fact that "I was created and programed to help people get what they need for growth and personal development." I have been helped and equipped by the Creator to carry out this task in ways beyond my intelligence, talent and skills. I found out that a great number of people have been deceived by the information they feed their mind with and the environment they grew up in. However, wrong information and poor environment are no excuses for being deceived.

Life is meant for growth and development; growth is fostered through the right application of natural laws and principles. The decision to grow will set off a cascade of events in one's life. The earth was handed down to our progenitors like a wealthy business mogul would hand over his estate to his beloved son. One's life is like that gift of the earth or the estate. To maintain it one needs to have a great attitude. Attitude is everything. It is a feeling and way of thinking that affects a person’s behavior. It determines the way we view the world, handle situation, master frustration and nurture relationship. Attitude is like computer software called Operating System (OS) on which the whole system runs. It is invisible, untouchable and intangible. Set up a very beautiful work station automated with computer system and uninstall the operating system and discover what you will have. The work station is going to be as good as having no work station at all. Our attitude is the programming language of our life system. Like in computer if it malfunctions the whole system will experience mishap. If it works fine the whole system will run and process tasks speedily. Many people have had their marriage, career and ministries either halted or slow simply because they refuse or fail to boost their attitude. 

The difference between a success and a failure is nothing but attitude. Someone who got fired from an organization due to his organization's decision to downsize their staff strength and started a business is helped by developing his attitude. A woman who resigned to fate after losing her hard-earned money at gun-point and could not move on in life has got some weak attitude. I have many reasons to become bitter and sorrowful but my boosted attitude has helped me to stay put. I have been duped, robbed, harassed, intimidated, disappointed and frustrated but I realize I have to move on. I now enjoy solving problems by coming up with great ideas. I continually discover new areas of weakness in my life system which could make me malfunction and I promptly educate myself on how to strengthen the weak points. I have come across people who always blame their poor condition on their past experiences such as poor upbringing, poverty-stricken environment, inability to access quality education, abused relationships among many others. My believe is that there is no future in the past. Can you imagine someone who drives a car and continually looks at the back by turning his head from the wheel? I'm sure you can understand that the driver will sooner or later head for a crash. I am not disputing the fact that certain painful experiences might have adverse effect on our life but those experiences have come and gone for good. There is nothing we could do then to prevent them but now we have a choice and we should be in charge of our destiny.

It is very often difficult to change people’s attitude. My aim is not to change your attitude. The decision to change your attitude remains yours as a free moral agent. My goal is to help you boost your attitude while I also improve mine so that together we can make our world a better place for growing and living. Some employees have a very bad attitude towards work but if they can undergo a change of attitude quickly they will be much more cooperative. Many married couples are not enjoying bliss in their marriage today not necessarily because they have evil-minded mates but because attitude development has been left to chance. A number of single cannot keep a relationship for long not because they are not good-looking but because they are behaving in ways that make it difficult for other people to relate with them. Today many governments are being criticized for their callous, uncaring attitude towards the homeless and unemployed. If we all can learn to improve our attitude we will have more gains than losses, more joy than sorrow and more advantages and opportunities than setbacks. Stop blaming external factors for your woes. Stop trying and struggling to change others but yourself. Start learning and working to boost your attitude and see the difference.